Going back to Cali

Memorial Day mayhem in effect. Yay 'Merica. Don't forget to take a few minutes to honor the spirit of the holiday - it's not just about bbq's and beer. I'm out. Peace!

Apples: The Devil's Fruit

I don't like apples. I'd go as far as to say that I hate apples. The apple is a wretched fruit that was brought to earth by Satan himself in order to deceive humanity and force us into corrupt ways.

I don't remember when I started to despise apples, for as long as I can remember. My siblings used to torment me with them. They still do to this day. Everyone does. Even customers at work will call me just to bite into an apple.

I'll be hanging about minding my own business, drinking a cup of coffee and then suddenly that sound. You know the one, that crisp crunchy blast of evil bursting into a persons mouth. If you were able to take everything wrong with the world and condense it into one sound it would be that.


It's here that I'm afraid my relationship has gone beyond just hating them. When I hear someone bite into an apple my body immediately convulses and my spine shakes furiously. It's as if every molecule in my body wants to run as fast as possible in every direction. As soon as they realize that they can't escape the episode is over and I take my body as a whole and get as far away as possible.

This has proven to be somewhat difficult living in Washington. Apples are everywhere. You can't even walk into a grocery store without seeing piles of them just waiting to infect the population with their sinister meat. Large portions of the state are covered in orchards dedicated to their propagation. People erect giant stands along the side of the highway in order to vend them to unsuspecting tourists. It's gone too far.

Even the Bible warned us about them. Point blank told us that the devil was using apples against us. Did anyone listen? NO! We just kept on planting more and more apple trees. Spreading the evil further and further across the planet. Soon there will be no stopping it. We'll all become slaves to the apple.

Why do you think that Apple, Inc has been so successful? They're in a secret alliance with apples (the fruit) to subjugate and then enslave all of humanity. They won't stop until we're all in shackles spending all our days in the orchards and evenings worshiping apple icons. They'll force us to do to strange dances of praise and sacrifice each other for reasons that we don't fully understand.

How can we let this happen!?

We need to stop the madness!!!!!!

Now I know what you're thinking. "I like apples, this guy must just be crazy". Truth be told I probably am, however that doesn't mean that I'm making this all up. It also doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the sweet apple flavor you've come to love.

It's actually quite simple - cook the devil out. By cooking apples you effectively destroy the satanic qualities they hold within allowing you to enjoy the fruit without any adverse side effects. Then you can still enjoy apple pies, apple crisps, apple dumplings, apple cobblers, brown betties, apple strudel, apple sauce, and so many more wonderful foods.

This can also be achieved by pressing the demon out, as when you collect the juices for cider. It's actually extremely reward to make cider. All of those apples agonizing as you steal their life force more and more with each turn of the wheel. You can almost hear them scream.

Happy National Tap Dance Day!

This is quite possibly my greatest fear...

Lost is over. I have to admit I'm a little sad. However I was very satisfied with the ending. It was the perfect was to wrap up the lives of the characters. I know there are a lot of people out there that don't agree but you can't please everyone. I'm not going to get into it too much, because I have plans for a larger recap post. I just remembered that I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself on Tuesdays now that it's over. And it's Tuesday...


This weekend was insane! M's game with the AK. GREAT GAME!!! 15-8!!! YAAAAAY!!!! Post game hit up the tree. Saturday helped my sis with some yard work. Went to a "birthday" party, which was a blast! Slept till mid afternoon. Then watched the Lost finale. I'm still recovering from it all...


I've been thinking about getting a couple of highly poisonous snakes and insects to set free in my house. Figure its a great way to prevent break ins. But only if I'm immune to their venoms. Maybe this is a bad idea...



Was watching this show on discovery last night about our solar system and how it all works. Since I woke up this morning I've had this song stuck in my head...

Tusk Talk: Warthog Round Up

A while back I did a little post about boars. Now at that time I didn't get too much into warthogs. Warthogs are exponentially more bad ass than boars being as they have tusks. Tusks make everything better.

Now if my life here comes to an end and I have to be reincarnated into the Suidae family I would do everything in my power to make myself a warthog. I imagine it would be something like this...


I spend my days roaming about the open grasslands of Africa in search of roots or grubs or such. Each afternoon I find a nice little watering hole where I drink and wash the dust from my tusks, however I usually prefer to have them coated in dirt and grim to deter poachers from making me into a mini grand piano.

The ground is scalding hot and I have to find some refuge. I think about digging a burrow, but that sounds like a lot of work and with the risk of heat exhaustion very real I decide to forgo the work for a little thievery. There is an aardvark no far away who seems to have spent the whole morning preparing his own burrow. I circle around for a few minutes, sizing up my potential foe. He seems like a pussy. I'm sure I could take him. Then I notice the children. He's a she!!! I realize what a bad idea this is and take off in search of an easier fight.

I find a shady little area just off the savanna to rest for a spell. Then suddenly out of nowhere a lion shows up. The snarling beast thinks of me as an easy target, little does he know that my tusks are buried only an inch deep. He moves in for the kill only to find that when he's inches from my jugular I'm ready to defend myself. I lunge towards the feline, my ivory tusks gleaming in the sun, and immediately take out his left eye. The cat is taken back a little bit, but not out entirely. He circles me once more and tries to come from behind. I'm not having any of it and take out his right eye with one well timed turn of the neck. He's blinded and lying in pain. I consider having mercy on my opponent, killing him now to end his suffering, not a chance. I casually trot away, leaving the lion to the vultures.

The battle leaves me tired and I have to find a drink. I roll up to the local watering hole and have a wonderful conversation with a Giraffe named Melba. After getting through all the standard small talk I find that she had a child not long ago who was an unfortunate victim of a lion attack. She describes the attacker to me and as it turns out it was the very same lion I'd just seriously wounded. I agree to show her where I left him.

When we arrive Melba immediately agrees that this is the same lion who took her young. She becomes overwhelmed with emotion. I do my best to calm her but in the end I can't hold her back. She begins to kick the lion repeatedly, screaming and crying all the while. Every animals within a mile came running to see the spectacle, lucky for us this was a lone hunter and no other predators came to witness the beating. A family of elephants arrive and are horrified by what they see. Just as they move in to break it up Melba raises a hoof high in the air and crushes the lion's skull with ease. A small bit of brain lands in front of me. I smell it before walking away.

It's all just another day as a warthog...

Literature: A brand of kitty litter for the mature feline

Oh how I love giraffes. They are quite possibly the most perfect animal on the planet. Woodland Park Zoo posted this picture earlier that I think is just grand...


What'd y'all think of that storm last night? If you hadn't already heard/experienced, we had a rare late spring storm roll through Seattle yesterday. High winds, lots of rain, you know, a storm. I was unfortunate enough to get stuck in the down pour on my way home from work. It wasn't all so bad though. It was still pretty warm at that point and the wind wasn't kickin' too much yet. Here's a pic I snagged at the bus stop. I really wish that I'd taken video because that set of clouds was moving so fast it was in and out in about 8 minutes...


A word to the wise, don't go robbing people outside of a ninja school. It's a horrible idea. To be honest I can't think of many ideas that are worse than that. Well maybe trying to rob the school itself...

They've unveiled the new mascots for the 2012 Olympics. They're named Wenlock and Mandeville and were created by the final drops of steel from the Olympic Stadium. I actually really like the story added to it. What I really want to know is how I get a job as one of them for the games. That'd be awesome...


I'm trying to figure out the next installment of "Tusk Talk" if you got some ideas hit me up...

Cut the power? (Complete with cheesy map)

Really Arizona? That's your solution? As you may have read, Gary Pierce, a commissioner on the Arizona Corporation Commission, said that if LA wants to boycott Arizona then they would review and possibly terminate the energy contracts with LA. Currently they supply about 25% of the power to the massive urban area. This seems stupid to me. If they don't sell it to LA who are they going to sell it to? Are they going to have to cut pricing to sell it elsewhere? Is it just going to go to waste? Isn't this essentially forcing LA to boycott AZ power?

I guess it's their decision to do it. If that is in fact the course of action they choose to take I want to see the state of Washington step up and try to help fill the void. Being a part of the "Pacific Coast Bloc" we need to look out for each other. If we have excess power I believe that California should get first dibs (they probably do already) and if we aren't producing enough we need to increase production. Cover the Columbia Basin in wind/solar fields, NOW!!! And it's not just us here in Washington, but Oregon also needs to help out. We're all in this together.

The way things are going we need to start planning for the possibility that we're going to be fending for ourselves. The little things are starting to build up. Now with the apparent success of the Tea Party movement things are going to get a lot worse. Last time the liberals were angry we just protested (GW). If the Tea Party gets their way and acheives massive cuts in social services we're going to see more than a few a protests, we're going to see civil unrest and who knows how far it will go.

There is absolutely no reason for the three Pacific states to fall with the rest of the country. We share a more common bounds with each other than we do with the rest of the country. By reinforcing our connection to each other outside of the federal government we will be better prepared for whatever situations may arise.

I'll end simply by saying: WEST COAST TILL I DIE!!!!!

"I trust I can rely on your vote"

People in Kentucky, Arkansas, Oregon and Pennsylvania are all voting today (In Oregon it's the final day to mail back ballots). I just want to tip my hat to all the people that made it out to vote. I know many Americans don't vote in primary elections but they are just as important as general elections, if not more so. So if it wasn't your turn today make sure you know when you're up...

Now to honor the Americans that are turning in their primary ballots today I've decided that a little "Electioneering" was in order.

If everything I'm told is true

I have no reason to care anymore. Might as well just give up and let them win. In time I think I could even grow to respect them. Maybe even love them. Any problems that occur by their actions won't happen until long after I'm dead. Then it's not my problem. I'm only worried about myself like a good God-fearing American. Let the next generations worry about green house gases, energy dependence, environmental disasters...

There are days that I really that I could. However I can't accept that. Defeat is not acceptable. This aggression can not stand! Too many generations before us have taken that very approach and left us with up against the wall.

Every time I hear more about what going in the gulf I get angrier. Rage is nearing maximum level. I'm about to burst and just start spewing out 5,000 barrels a day!!!

Now is the time to step up and make sure this doesn't happen again. I don't want to hear anybody giving up. Remember what Captain Planet told us all as children, "THE POWER IS YOURS!" It's still true.

I was pleased to hear the western states are already making moves to permanently ban drilling on the pacific coast (excluding Alaska). This is a great step forward however it's not far enough. We need to make sure that other states follow suit. If the federal government isn't paying attention we need to make sure that they know we are and we're not going to tolerate it anymore. If it happens in the gulf it could happen here.

Grab your pen!!! Write some angry letters people!!!! Before this is the only fate we have to look forward to...

"The problem is you're just too damn sexy"

So I've been working on some ideas for this totem pole. I think that I'm going to do a horizontal orca that is accented with other characters. Here's a quick sketch I did the other day. It's by no means a finished product and the quality sucks but kinda shows what I'm talking about...



I need to figure out the color scheme. I've been messing with a few things but I don't seem to like anything all that much. I know that it's going to be mostly black and white, beyond that I'm at a loss. I'm also trying to figure out how to incorporate various symbols I want to be a part of it. I think that they fin's and the tail are going to sport a few other characters, but we'll see. Like I've said, first I need to make a lil one...

This dude that works for my company is in the office today. He keeps touching me. If it happens again I might freak out and threaten his life. I don't know why anyone would assume it's okay to come up behind a person and start rubbing their neck. Creepy...



That last one is courtesy of Google Image "Creepy Dude"

What's in store? We don't know just yet.

There was a plane crash. Everyone died but a 10 year old boy. It really make me wonder what fate has in store for him....

The Green Fest is coming back to Seattle. Here's a blurb about it over at Polar Bear Soup...

I went boating last weekend. It was great. We went up the Duwamish river and then over to Blake Island. I got a few pics with my phone of the totems they have, lighting was horrible, but you get the idea. Really made me want to start making one immediately. Patience though. In time I will...







Speaking of totem poles. They've decided what to do with the guy who stole the pole in West Seattle. They're fining him a total of $20,200 and NOT pressing charges!! I can't believe it. What might be even more unbelievable is that the guy wrote them a $17,000 check. If he had that kind of money sitting in his checking account, why was he stealing a totem pole?...

I've had dreams two nights in a row now that involve a woman named Evelyn. In the first she was elderly and helped me get home from my grandma's. When we got downtown she seemed to reverse her aging by 30 years and we went to a house party in Georgetown. Last night she was a young child that was lost in a shopping mall and I helped her to find her parents. Even though her age varied I could always tell it was the same person. I hope that I get to see her again...

The bar and the hills

Last night began at the Water Wheel, only it's wasn't. It was a cross between that and some other place I've never been before. Everyone seemed to be there, including you, drinking and being generally jovial. I blacked out for a while and things seemed to go wrong after that.

When I came to I was at the bar being screamed at by an old coworker. She was pissed that I just cost her the rest of her shift. After a lot of yelling it was revealed in flash images that I bought her a drink and her boss wasn't going to let her waitress after having a drink.

While this was going on there was an unknown group that kept calling me into the bathroom. Every time I'd hear someone yell I turned around to a different person trying to coax me in. I wanted nothing to do with any of the scene so got up and went to order a drink.

I went up to the bar and ordered a few shots, but I couldn't find my card to pay. The woman who ran the bar smiled and said, "Don't worry honey I kept it for you, I knew you'd be back." She then passed over three shots of brown liquor and handed me my card. The card looked like it had been butchered and then taped back together. I was irate and started screaming. She told me to talk to my old coworker.

I went over and threw one of the shots in her face before yelling, "What the fuck did you do to my debit card!" She slapped me and then busted up laughing. "I cut that thing to pieces after you paid for my cab ride here." "WHAT!? I paid for your cab?!?" "Yeah you said it was no problem. I figured you wouldn't remember. Don't worry though it was only a couple hundred dollars. Oh yeah, and you tipped him really well." I was enraged. I took the other two shots straight back, looked her straight in the face and said, "you're a bitch". Then I left.

As I got out onto the street I encountered the Swirl. He was just as wasted as I was. We bullshitted for a while and then decided that we needed to get some doughnuts. It was at least two miles to the nearest doughnut shop so we waited at a bus stop. However it wasn't a bus stop like you'd recognize. When we got there we sat in the seats, at which point harnessing lowered and enclosed us. The seat was then lifted by a large magnet and we began to travel down the street at very high speeds.

It was only a few moments and we were interrupted by a group of men in black cloaks. Their very presence stopped our maglift bus ride. We were released by the seats and the men immediately started to "scan" the Swirl. I took a few steps back and just watched it all. They turned him in all sorts of directions, inspecting everything about him. Finally the obvious leader of the group said, "He's clean. His clothes covered his whole body during the tests. Let him go." They gave a strange look at me, but then walked the other direction.

This is when everything changed. I was no longer near my house. Everyone at the bar was gone. I was in a very small car on my way to Vancouver with the 4ster's. It wasn't long before we reached our destination, but again it wasn't what I expected. There were giant hills all around us and while it was unseasonably warm in Seattle, Vancouver was under multiple feet of snow.

We parked the car at the bottom of a hill. The area reminded me of Leavenworth, if it was built between 5 massive, steep hills. The 2x4ster began to demand that we visit a chocolatier. This is when I noticed that half of the stores only sold specialty chocolates. We hit up a couple and I was in awe of the variety and craftsmanship of all the chocolates. I ate so much I thought I was going to vomit in the snow.

We decided that we needed to eat some kind of real food. A small elderly lesbian couple, as if they knew what we wanted, broke from their kissing to tell us about a tapas place that was worth checking out. We headed back to the car and started to drive up the hill. We didn't get too far before the car slid back down the slippery incline. A few more attempts were made, but all failed.

I got out to see if I could find someone to tell us how to get there without having to go up the hill. I met a young woman who knew exactly where I was talking about. "Oh yes! It's not just tapas. They have raviolis too. Make sure that you try the ravioli. If you don't try the ravioli you're really going to be disappointed."


I thanked her for the advice and went back to the group. There were less than pleased to find that all we talked about was ravioli and not how to get there. They all seemed to turn on me. If only they'd had pitchforks and torches I could have called them an angry mob.


Then I was back at home lying in my bed. It was another hour before my alarm would go off. I just laid in bed and listened to the sound of the rain.

Hitting close to home

People for Puget Sound linked to a great post on the OlyBlog that I feel obligated to share. They've taken the area affected by the BP oil leak and super imposed it onto a map of the Puget Sound. I think that it really puts the tragedy in the gulf into a perspective people around here can grasp a little better. The whole thing makes me want to wretch.

This one goes out to all the Mom's

Happy Mother's Day!!! Even when things get hard you've got to remember "you are a appreciated".

Words are a sawed off shotgun

PANIC!!! SELL SELL SELL!!! PANIC!!! BUY BUY BUY!!! PANIC!!! SELL SELL SELL!!!! (or something like that) Dow went into a nose dive today. Not exactly sure why. Probably one little dude on the market floor who said, "I bet greece is just going to default with or without the new austerity measures" and someone overheard it and started screaming, "GREECE DEFAULTED!!" Then panic. Finally everyone realized it was false and things started to go back up. Economics, oh how I love thee...

I got a thing about the EHS reunion today. Funny though, I didn't go to school there. I should of, but I didn't. I'd still go to the reunion though. It'd be nice to see all those people from elementary/middle school. I can't believe that they're 100 times more organized that what MRHS has so far. I guess I shouldn't bitch or someone is going to try to get me to plan the thing. And while if I did it'd be a reunion to end all, I'm not doing that shit...

I miss me some Pangford lovin'...

For any of you who don't already follow Polar Bear Soup, I'd recommend it. There's some great stuff there about a range of environmental issues. The most recent posts have all been about the leak in the gulf...

I can't wait for summer to be here and the grocery stores are flooded with corn...

Blast for the past

Imagine if you will sitting down to your morning coffee, turning on your home computer to read the days newspaper...it's not as far fetched as it seems.

Bath Time (LOST SPOILER ALERT)

Wow. Wow. What started out as a rather boring episode of Lost took a turn for the tragic last night.

Quick recap off island: Jack saved Locke and wants to operate on him again. Bernard made an appearance as a dentist who operated on Locke in his first accident. Locke ends up saying no because he's punishing himself for crippling his father. Great scene in the end with Jack and Locke with Jack saying "I wish you had believed me" (the same words in Locke's suicide note to Jack). The side-flash is starting to get really interesting. Which is a good thing, I was struggling with that the first part of this season.

Back on the island! Oh god. So they all end up on Hydra Island. Jack/Flocke/Sayid set out to "free" the others from Widmore. Sayid kills the power (queue the black smoke) and Flocke decimates the guards. Everyones free and they head to the plane. Plane's rigged to blow. They give up on that and head for the sub. The plan is to get everyone but Jack and Flocke on the sub and then head out. In the scuffle (why didn't Flocke just smoke the guards?) Kate gets shot (that's probably why) which leads to Jack getting on the sub to fix her. They start the dive, Jack gets his pack only to find no med supplies but instead the bomb that was supposed to blow up the plane! FLOCKE IS OFFICIALLY EVIL!!! All his talk about saving them was all a lie. Jack wants to let the time on the bomb run out, because Flocke can't kill them it won't go off, but Sawyer isn't having that and pulls the wires. Now it's running down at double speed. In a final act of sacrifice Sayid runs to the other side of the sub and dies. So it goes. But not before telling us that Desmond isn't dead (YAY!). They're still underwater and sinking now. Sun gets stuck. Hurley gets Kate out. Sawyer takes a beam to the head. Jack has to save Sawyer leaving Jinn to save Sun. No such luck. They both drown. So it goes. We have to assume Lapidus is dead too. So it goes. Ends with Jack, Hurley, Sawyer and Kate on the shore and then a very angry Flocke who sets out to finish what he started.

Okay lets address a few things. This episode was officially a BLOOD BATH. I've been waiting for it to happen at some point, but this actually caught me off guard. Sayid I can understand. I wish Kate had done it instead, but thats how it happened. I'm very pleased that in the end he was working for good. I am going to miss his commando antics though.

Lapidus, sorry dude, but who cares. He could have been killed off long ago and no one would have known the difference. Strangely enough we never actually see him die, which means he might not be dead. But I can't imagine he's got much to do with the plot from here on out.

Sun and Jinn. I'm officially in mourning over this. They just got back together!!! At least they got to die together. We still never found out which of them is the candidate though. My guess is going to be Sun. If Jinn were the one I think something would have forced him to leave the sub but he didn't. AND NOW THEY'RE DEAD!!! DEAD!!!!! I remember back when the plane first crashed and I loathed Jinn. Then he helped build the raft, learned English, nearly died on the freighter, went back to the 70s and I came to really like that guy. I've always loved Sun; her slightly sly nature, how she was the only one to plant a garden, or just her kickin' body. It's a great tragedy that these two are no longer with us. But at the same time they are. Everyone is still alive in bizzaro world so we'll get to see more of them before this is all over (remember that Jinn was in the hospital as Locke was leaving?).

Here's the big question that I have. How is that Sawyer was able to detonate the bomb. Jack could blow up the dynamite with Richard. Isn't it the same principal? Candidates aren't supposed to be able to kill themselves. I guess this loop hole might be explained by the fact that Sawyer himself didn't die and I haven't heard of a rule saying candidates can't kill each other. But still.

All-in-all a great episode! I should mention to all of you that they've decided to extend the finale by 30 minutes in order to give themselves more time to wrap it all up. I will leave you with one final question...

Where's Walt?

If we enact laws that can be misinterpreted than we're setting ourselves up for that reality

As you may have guessed the title, this post is in reference to the immigration bill recently passed in Arizona. I read the legislature today and it has not changed my perception of it one bit. Most of the law I have no problems with at all. It generally makes sense. The problem that I have is:

"A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, WITHOUT A WARRANT, MAY ARREST A PERSON
IF THE OFFICER HAS PROBABLE CAUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THE PERSON HAS COMMITTED
ANY PUBLIC OFFENSE THAT MAKES THE PERSON REMOVABLE FROM THE UNITED STATES"

Probable cause. Nowhere does it define what this probable cause might be. It could be that the officer encountered a group of individuals that don't speak English. Maybe they come across a Cinco de Mayo celebration where a family is proudly displaying the Mexican flag. Maybe it does come down to something as simple as the color of their skin. Most likely when this will come up it will be a combination of these and other factors that add up to probable cause. That doesn't make it right.

I am reminded of a quote from Benjamin Franklin, "Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." By giving the police the authority to undermine any American's liberty we have sacrificed our claim not only to liberty but security as well.

Now immigration is a serious problem in the United States and I understand that border states like Arizona have been bearing the majority of this burden for some time. We need comprehensive immigration reform to stop the flood of illegal immigrants so that we can offer residency to those who are willing to go through the proper channels and become functioning, beneficial members of our society.

It's my firm belief that we need to start by addressing who should be allowed to stay and who shouldn't. This is very clear in my mind. Any illegal immigrant with natural born US children should be granted amnesty. In the future any child born in the US by two illegal immigrants should not be given this same right. However we need to stop destroying families in an attempt to quell the immigration problem. Next we implement much stricter penalties for companies found to be employing illegal immigrants and fund regular business check ups to ensure that anyone trying to skirt the system is found. This would just be a start, everything has to start somewhere.

I guess the only good thing that might come of this whole situation is that the federal government is going to have to stop dragging it's feet and address the issue. It's been swept under the rug for far too long, mostly because it's been perceived as "political death" to attempt to change the status quo. Now if our politicians aren't able to solve the pressing problems facing our country then, at risk of sounding like a Tea Partier, we need new politicians.