Julie's words jolted Mary back into reality. She been rummaging through every cupboard in the kitchen for the last 10 minutes. It didn't even occur to her that she didn't remember what she was trying to find until the little girls words reminded her that there was a goal. She just stopped and stared into the baseboard molding for a moment.
"Honey, I'm not even sure anymore."
She stood up, leaving the left over spaghetti in the Tupperware on the counter still uncovered, and picked Julie up. She was bigger than Mary had remembered, but it had been some time since she'd held her child. There just didn't seem to be the time anymore. She was thankful for the extra hours at work, even though they barely covered the increase in childcare costs, it gave her an escape from her reality.
It was a place that she could go and everything was in order, her place on the line never changed, and all she had to do was inspect one shoe after another. They all looked the same but every so often there would be an obvious defect, which she would throw casually to her side. She could usually see the bad ones coming from up the line, once you've seen as many shoes as she has the small faults become obvious. It was all second nature to her now. Often times she'd daydream at work. Her mind would wander and eventually it would always come back to Greg. Why wasn't she able to see it coming? What was so different between the men she meets and the shoes on the conveyor belt?
She laid Julie down on her princess comforter and kissed her on the forehead. "Mommy, do you think Daddy has found what he's looking for yet? I miss him."
"I'm not sure he remembers what he's looking for either anymore honey."
****
"Let me just grab my coat and I'll meet you outside."
It was early in the evening. The sun had set hours ago, but with the solstice only a week passed that didn't mean it was late. I had so many people to talk to, I didn't even know where to begin.
"How've ya been? Did the year treat you well?"
"Yeah, it's crazy though."
"Ha, tell me about it. Oh, by the way, I'm..."
"You're what?"
Everyone was wearing masks. There was no real reason, just wanted to try something different. Is it easier to express the truths of ones self while hiding behind a counterfeit facade? Gin has a way of making me over think things.
"Where's my goddamn coat?!"
"Did you check on the coat rack?"
"Do I look like an idiot? Just cause I'm drunk doesn't make me an idiot."
Somewhere across the room a shot glass falls to the concrete and a group of party goers gasp in horror as their taste buds burn away in an ecstasy that only 100 proof whiskey can provide.
"So, it's almost midnight and I promised myself that I'd talk to some people before the new year. You're one of those people..."
"Cool, what's up?"
"I'm....I guess I'm not sure what else to say here."
"You don't have to say anything else."
The clock struck and a song from years passed came on. I looked around the room at all the faces, many I'd known much longer than I'd known myself. I hope you all know I'm not doing this for your benefit.
"Have you seen my coat? It's blue with cigarettes in the pocket."
"No sorry, have you checked the coat rack?"
"Ugh, yes I have, keep an eye out."
"You just need a cigarette? Here you go."
Outside the air was cold, but clean, the same couldn't be said for the ground. Half finished cocktails and joint roaches littered the parking lot. It's funny how so many believe refuse to believe.
"So, you may have heard but I'm..."
"What? No, no no."
"It's the truth."
"No, you're not. Now let's go dancing!"
The smell of stale booze hung heavy in the air while everyone said their farewells. It would be another year before I'd see some of them. Others I'd probably never see again. When the only ones left were those I'd see again tomorrow, I found my jacket, hanging on the coat rack.
****
I thought about doing a third piece here, but now that I'm here it's not what I'm looking for right now.
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